People

My Story: It All Started In My Sixth Grade When Boys In My Class Used To Mock Me!

Stop Body-Shaming!

From small, I’ve always been the typical heroine’s friend/comedian as shown in South Indian movies. I’m stout, dark and I don’t meet the beauty standards of the society. I was called ‘Karuppi’, ‘Gundu’, ‘Brinjal’ and what not. I was born dark, I didn’t grow tall and I’m chubby.

It all started in my sixth grade when boys in my class used to mock me when I walked with my gal pals, they were slim and fair. I was a pretty good Bharatanatyam dancer and teachers would call me for any cultural event or competition that happened in school. My mom put me in dance school when I was three, it was more of her dream to see me dance on stage. With my body weight and color I was mocked by my mates with phrases like ‘Irutula ne epdi stage la theriva’, ‘Ne aadina stage odanjidum’ whenever I was called for practice.

This put me through hell and I was a thirteen year old kid. I couldn’t take it in nor give them back, instead I stopped dancing. I lied to my teachers, I said my mom was busy and she couldn’t make it to the event. And vice-versa to my mom. I gave up my mom’s dream and my talent as I feared for the comments. I thought everything will stop by then, but it didn’t. I was continuously mocked for my size, color and height.

I heard weddings were joyous occasions but it was my cousin’s wedding that pulled me down. I was asked ‘yen ivlo karuppa iruka’ and a whole lot of body shaming questions. I quietly listened to them and later I ran to the bathroom and cried. I’ve had sleepless nights. There were days I starved completely, I’ve felt the acid reflex in my stomach. My mom cried, once she blackmailed me and said I won’t eat if you didn’t, I made my mom to starve and I feel really terrible now. I’m sorry mom!

Years passed with insults, I completed my school and moved to the next phase of life, college. Same story again, I was mocked mocked and mocked! From being an extrovert, who loved to talk and roam, I locked myself in my room, in my space where there were none to comment on my waist size and body color. Being locked in, I felt the world inside was much better than the world outside the room.

I’m 29 now and I still have problem sitting, dressing up, eating, literally everything. No matter what I try, I look and feel the same. I am done trying to get the perfect body, fair and lovely color and to become 5’4, the ideal height for girls. I’ve not got the courage nor the attitude to face the comments and abuses. I do feel insecure. But the thing is, I have come forward to write what I’ve got in my mind, I hope there comes a day when I get to stand up and speak for myself and accept the way I am and love my body, color, heart and soul.

 

 

 

 

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