I once had a best friend. She was beautiful and in her own way, smart. We both were in the same school for a long time, when I finally met her. It’s funny how someone is always near you all the time and you never know, and then suddenly you meet them and you just click. I don’t want to sound lame, but I was 14 when I met her, and she was my first best friend.

I still remember the day we saw each other. She changed her house and had to come in my van to school. We didn’t talk at first. While I sat around thinking that she was a lazy kid, she thought I was a stuck-up brat. It took months until we finally started talking to each other on a normal day-to-day basis. It grew, and we started chatting hours together on the phone and I even made her join my tuition.

Not even before a year after we met, I had to change schools. We both thought that this change would destroy our friendship, but it didn’t. Strangely, the distance just hardened our bond. We gave up on chatting hours on the phone, yet we still managed to maintain contact. With each passing day, we had more to tell each other. When three years of our friendship had passed, I graduated from school. I went on to college, while my friend who was one year younger, still had a year of school to finish.

It was the ending of my first college year when things started changing. I was somebody who made sure all my friends got to knew each other. My best friend met one of my other friend’s buddies, and they got into a relationship. Even though at the beginning I felt neglected, I began to accept it. While I tried to welcome her as part of a couple, she made sure I didn’t end up feeling ignored. We became a small gang, me, her, her boyfriend and some of my other friends. What we called a gang developed into a kind of family. That was the point in my life when I felt that nothing would ever break us apart.

Somehow life always has to work in a totally different way then you need. You think something, and the opposite happens. While I stubbornly tried to hold on to all the pieces in my life, everything just fell apart. It started small, and finally, nothing was left of our friendship. We were best friends, and in just two weeks we became strangers. I not only lost out on my best friend, but I was deprived of my other friends, or to be more precise, my family. What I thought would never happen, slapped me on my face and just happened.

After that it was just plain monotony. Nothing ever seemed right. I began to doubt everybody. Nobody could ever get to me. It did not burn or pain really badly. It was like this routine ache that visits you every day and only went away when you slept. Life seemed black and white. I was left confused and scared. Everybody I turned to just seemed to turn away from me. The world full of love that I once seemed to be in, became an empty void.

It took some time to heal my wounds. Now that I am writing, I can tell you that though the wounds have healed, the scars it left behind is gruesome. It is not that the ache has resided, but I had just gone numb. Life is still black and white, but I have begun to enjoy the grey in between. I have become much stronger than I was before; much more independent and a lot more confident. Now that I look behind, all there is left are beautiful, yet sad memories.

I still don’t understand what caused the rift between me and my best friend. Even though I feel that I haven’t done any wrong, it could be possible that I was the reason for the whole mess. If that is the case, then I am really sorry. I never will and never would hurt my friends, for I did love them with all my heart.