It was going on quite good as I sorted out my future plans and my career. My passion was to go abroad and study as I always wanted to. It wasn’t easy to convince my parents for two reasons – one because I was the only child and two because a lot of money was required. However, what boosted up the super dull situation at home was my scholarship worth Rs. 7,00,000 that the university abroad offered for my excellence in academics. Yet, there was a lot of money required and it sort of started bothering me and put me through a guilt trip for spending a lot of my father’s money.

I decided to take up part time once I reach there and help my dad with loans. Everything was exciting and the day arrived when I finally had to say goodbye to a lot of loved ones. It wasn’t particularly easy but I was excited that I am finally nearing my dream. The first week was a nightmare in London as I have never lived all by myself, managed expenses, cooked and studied! I enjoyed every moment of my new life until the money my dad had given me was almost over and my bank balance was nearing about 1000 rupees. It was nearly impossible for me to live in an expensive place like London with 100 bucks in hand.

When I was about to ask my dad for some more money I realized that he himself is struggling financially and it is not the right time. I hadn’t received my work permit yet and that didn’t allow me to get myself a job. I felt guilty every day for putting my parents through a tough time for fulfilling my own dreams – I was being selfish. This guilt turned into anxiety and depression seeped in. I was in denial every day that there is nothing like depression and I’m just dramatizing my life and the people around me. I eventually surrounded myself with darkness (literally and figuratively) and negativity. I wouldn’t eat, I wouldn’t bathe, I wouldn’t go to classes and I started going to lecturer’s office more to take in all the complaints about my performance.