“He violated my trust.”
Recounting the experience over and over again is almost forced upon most of the survivors. Chinmayi is hopeful that if the story is repeated, more would listen. “What happened was a man I held with utmost respect, a man I deeply trusted, somewhat of a father figure to me, violated that trust. He has disrespected me by invading my privacy and safe zone. I could not work with him anymore. It had come to a point where I had told my peers and colleagues that I do not want to be in the same room as him. I am uncomfortable around this person.”
“We are conditioned not to talk.”
Ask her why now, and Chinmayi says:
“To all the men out there, go back home and ask your loved ones if they have ever experienced any incident of abuse or harassment. The answer would be yes. When you wonder why they haven’t told you about it for so long, understand that women are conditioned to stay silent from their childhood on this topic. There are more repercussions to speaking about it than not. Family dishonour, questions on behaviour and more reasons are cited by close circuit people to silence those who want to open up. So both men and women stay silent about what happened to them. Everybody’s had someone go through it, or in the least, they know someone who has gone through it. Why didn’t they speak out before? It is because we wait for the time society is deemed receptive to it. We speak when we feel we would be heard and not just asked to stay silent and go back. Society is still split about it. I don’t blame society for asking me why now. I did tell people I know but I could not keep quiet any longer. I thought it was time people would hear me so I came out with it now.”
“Every day is a battle”
It may not be all men, but certainly enough men that women end up associating the crime with the gender itself. Chinmayi explains that normalizing casual sexism has just been the way of society. “Right from normalizing casual sexism to having women bear and grin the same; right from the time they step out of their homes…it is just sad. Women are always told to be careful, men are never told so. Women are never told to go out boldly, instead, she is told to dress a certain way and behave a certain way. In fact, the cover story on how leggings are inappropriate tells us what kind of a society we are in. There was a lot of hue and cry from women regarding the same so voices are blooming here and there. Right from calling out casual sexism to heinous crimes like rape, we have come a long way. Rapes weren’t even reported much before then it is now. What we go through on a daily basis is just first and second-degree harassment. The male gaze, intentional groping, men that make women uncomfortable – we have to fight it out on the regular.”
Watch the full interview here:
