6 Challenges Couples Face In An Inter-Religious Marriage!

8 years ago

BOUND BY DIFFERENT FAITHS

“I Do”, “Kabool Hai”, “Sowbhagyawati Bhava”; words in different languages but sounding equally sweet and carrying profound meaning. Marriages between persons of different faiths can be an exquisite combination of sweet and sour because it is not just the coming together of two souls in love; it is the merging of two cultures, the blending of two religions and the mingling of two diametrically different families.

POPPING THE QUESTION

Love is blind; it doesn’t conform to barriers like caste, creed and religion. But deciding to get married is a mammoth step forward and one that requires a lot of contemplation and consideration. “Even after Suresh proposed marriage, it took me a long time to take a decision because I come from a family of staunch Catholics and even the thought of getting married to a non Catholic was considered blasphemous,” recalls 30 something entrepreneur Susan Joseph, now happily married to Suresh, a Malayalee Hindu.

WEDDING CUSTOMS

Agreeing to get married is just half the work done; next come the customs and rituals. A wedding is a special day not only in the bride and the groom’s lives but also their families’. It is obvious that both would want the marriage performed as per their customs. 27 year old Chennai based process trainer Zyn Milan Sarvanan remembers with a laugh, “I am a Catholic and he is a Hindu. My parents wanted a church wedding while his parents wanted a Hindu ceremony. We decided to do both in succession and then we had to get our marriage registered too. It feels like I married the same guy thrice.”

Susan says she was lucky in that aspect. “My parents were insistent that they wanted a church wedding but although Suresh’s family would have preferred a Hindu ceremony they said they were fine with whatever their son decided. So we had a grand church wedding with the full family in attendance which worked out perfectly for me because I am not sure I would have been wholly comfortable with a temple wedding.”

CULTURE SURPRISE

Says Zyn, “You get to know a completely different lifestyle, something you have not experienced. You have been brought up in a certain way and when you see something completely the opposite you are bound to get enchanted. At least, I did. After marriage I got a culture shock but in a pleasant way. The main transformation was in my style of dressing. I had always been a jeans and T shirt kind of girl but post marriage sarees, bindis, flowers and elaborate jewellery became part of my daily wardrobe. Initially, I struggled to get it right but now I can drape a saree with the same ease as I wear jeans.”

Susan’s experiences were not so amazing initially; in fact they oscillated between disastrous and hilarious. “I have always been open with my parents, sitting cross legged before them, openly airing my views and basically speaking my mind. I continued with my mannerisms even in front of his parents. I would flop down on the sofa next to my father-in-law and start chatting nineteen to the dozen, then I would catch Suresh making urgent signals at me and realise my folly. Suddenly I would change into a demure bride much to the amusement of all.”

EATING HABITS

Normally, diverse diet patterns are difficult to reconcile even if they are within the same community but when the dimension of religious difference gets added, it gets a trifle more complicated. Zyn says, “My hubby is a vegetarian while beef and pork have been part of my diet for as long as I can remember but he totally understands my perspective and I understand his. I cook whatever I feel like for myself but I also make sure that his meals are prepared exactly the way he likes. We have reached a compromise on the fact that whenever my in laws come down from Madurai to spend time with us, we do not bring non vegetarian food into the house. My mother-in-law cooks tongue tingling traditional dishes which I have begun to enjoy extremely.”

“Now I find myself veering towards vegetarianism much to the surprise of my parents and sister who can’t believe that I am thinking of giving up meat and have begun teasing me for my evolving tastes.”
“On the other hand, morning meals are a bone of contention between me and Sarvanan. Bread has been a staple on our breakfast table since the days of yore, possibly due to our Anglo Indian roots but he is an idli vada kaapi person. Only sizzling dosas, steaming idlis and coconut chutney can satiate his appetite. He does not consider bread and omelette a proper breakfast at all and chides me all the time for my continental preferences. So I am kind of sandwiched between both my families due to my changing dietary patterns,” she says with a laugh.

RELIGIOUS MATTERS

The success or failure of all such marriages hinges on the adaptability to and acceptability of each other’s faith. “Both my husband and I are very religious persons. He visits the temple daily while I never miss the Sunday Mass but we never interfere in each other’s religious practices. We respect all religions and I love Hindu customs and traditions but it will take me some more time to be totally comfortable with the idea of praying to a different God,” says Zyn.

Conversions are yet another delicate subject that couples face in such marriages. Eminent clinical psychologist Sangeetha Mahesh says, “Some religions demand upfront conversions, some don’t. Whatever the norms and rules, these must be discussed and sorted out with each other before entering into holy matrimony. And the stance should not change down the years. Sudden bids at forceful conversions after a few years of marriage can lead to a lot of conflicts that may erode the basic structure of the conjugal bond.”