Adolescence is an emotional whirlwind for the teens and parents are invariably drawn into it. Certainly it is not going to be a smooth sail for either. Times have changed and parents have to accept that their children are going to have a lot more freedom in their teen years than they probably ever did. Intelligent parents should try and be a part of their child’s world as they alone can buffer them against the emotional angst and physical confusion that are an inevitable part of the teenage years. A lot of people go on to marry their childhood and high school sweethearts so as parents do not be dismissive about puppy love.We have come up with a few suggestions to handle puppy love that is a vital component of the growing up years.
Start early: Begin talking about adolescence and all the changes it brings about before children actually get there. It helps them expect and deal with things in a more informed manner when they actually experience it. Exposure to media gives them an idea but you can help them understand it in a more sensible and scientific way. Tell girls that they will have monthly menstrual cycles accompanied by bodily changes and inform boys about how testosterone is going to rule their lives henceforth.
Written By: Niharika Reddy
Understand: Empathy and understanding are all the arms you will need to tide over this volatile stage of your child’s life. Understand that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the opposite sex. In fact if your child shows no attraction to the opposite sex despite attaining puberty, it is indeed cause for worry for any sensible parent. It is a normal and vital part of the child’s physical and emotional development.
Build confidence: Hormones wreak havoc in more ways than one. Sudden changes in the body and mind can be alarming and overwhelming for a person who is in some ways still a child but is on the threshold of adulthood. Your role as a parent is to explain to them that what is happening is normal and an important phase of growing up.
Be very attentive: Though we as adults and parents are often dismissive of puppy love having seen it all, understand it is the most precious and wonderful feeling your child has experienced so far. Saying “you will overcome it in a few months” is an absolute no. Typically Indian parents use threats and physical violence to prevent their children from indulging in what is normal age appropriate behavior. This can have certain negative effects especially if the child is strong willed.
Understand peer pressure: Peer pressure has always been considered a very negative influence on children especially teens. Though you need not give in to their exorbitant demands, do make an allowance for safer and fun social events and gatherings. Allow and provide for them to join their friends for a movie, nature hike or a party at their friend’s house. Ensuring they are safe and in good company.
Do not criticize: Teens are a very sensitive and critical bunch so think carefully before you say something that can be considered as being critical of their appearance, friends or activities. At this phase teens tend to display more loyalty and allegiance to their friends than their own family. This is understandable as their peers are privy to their secrets and encourage them in literally following their heart unlike parents.
Discuss your adolescence: Fact is despite the generation gap, hormones and their effects remain much the same on all parts of the globe and over the centuries. Discuss how your teenage years were and how you felt growing up in a different era with more restrictions and fewer opportunities to socialize. Talk about the advantages and disadvantages of your teens versus theirs. This way your children will see you as someone who has also navigated the same choppy waters and can be consulted and confided in when the need arises. If you feel they are having sex, you absolutely need to discuss it no matter how uncomfortable it is. Doing this might save a lot of trouble later on.
Occupy them creatively: Teens have a lot of energy, which if not channelized properly can lead to disastrous consequences. Encourage them to indulge in a hobby and learn a few things like music or sport which will add to their personality. This way they can spend their time productively rather than brooding over their crushes.
Pay close attention to nutritional requirements: Their bodies are growing rapidly and need to be nourished with healthy and nutritious food. They may prefer sugar and fat laden fast food as it is naturally more pleasing to the palate. This is where you step in and educate them that if certain nutritional demands are not met at this stage, they will bear the consequences later on. Also some deficiencies can cause mood swings, irritability, acne, lethargy and depression which can make dealing with adolescence even harder.
According to developmental psychologist Erik Eriksson, adolescence is marked by the search for an identity. Around age 19, young adults move into the search for intimacy. Therefore, teen relationships are often based around the partner as a reflection of the self, while young adult relationships focus on long-term compatibility between partners. However, these ages are not set in stone. Many younger teens look for long-term, serious relationships, while many young adults continue to try out romantic partners who reflect themselves. In a sense understanding your child’s choice of partner, helps you understand your child better. Take things one step at a time and discuss tricky situations with your partner. No matter how sensitive the issue, ideally both parents should be involved as they are mutually responsible for the growth and well being of their child.