How much do you confess to your partner before marriage?
Coming clean is one tricky area – do you fess up all your indiscretions and ‘sins’ to your partner before tying the knot? Or do you stay quiet about certain things? Is that silence lying and deception or is it just withholding information? Some may call it selective lying. If you don’t bare all to your partner, does that amount to a relationship built on lies? Or are there certain things its best your partner doesn’t know because it may destroy your relationship? Whatever’s happened is over, dusted and done with. Would bringing it up now be stupid, inconsiderate, destructive, hurtful? Ultimately, it’s your choice. You know your partner best. But here are some points for you to consider.
Is your partner conservative or liberal?
If he is conservative, does he expect a virginal wife? Have you had a fairly active sexual past? Chances are he is likely to frown upon your sexual history. First, ask yourself if you could spend the rest of your life with a man with diametrically opposite views. If the answer is yes, and you really love him, think hard about whether you want to fess up or not. Be prepared that he might dump you once he learns about your past.
Is it an arranged or love marriage?
In an arranged marriage scenario, most men expect their wives to have an unsullied, whiter-than-white past. It’s changing but the odds are still heavily stacked on a man expecting a wife who has not had boyfriends or sex before marriage. If so, you may want to keep past discretions to yourself. If you plan to confess them, then do so before you tie the knot.
Is he possessive?
Frankly, living with an over-possessive man can be a nightmare. But many women equate possessiveness to proof that the man loves her madly. Anyway, if your man is the jealous, over-protective type, confessing about your exes and your colourful past is certain to destroy your relationship. Make no mistake about that. It will come up again and again, and all you will face is misery.
Some secrets are best left buried
You may be madly in love with your partner. He may seem to be the coolest guy on earth. He may know about a couple of your ex-boyfriends. But if you’ve been burning up the sheets with a host of lovers, or have an ex who was married, do you really think your ex would embrace it with just a raised eyebrow? Think again. There are some things in our past that should stay right there – in the past, never to be resurrected and confessed to a potential husband in a moment of weakness. Remember, some secrets can destroy a relationship and blow it to smithereens.
It could poison your relationship
Let’s face it, most Indian men are still conservative deep down. They want to believe that they are their wives’ first love. They want to believe they are the best lovers. If they know that you’ve had a long list of lovers, it could fuel insecurity, suspicion and jealousy. They may suspect you of keeping in touch with your exes, or that you could have an extramarital affair. They could dredge your past when you have fights and throw it in your face. Do you really want that?
The truth can hurt
You may have the most understanding, loving, liberal partner. But if you’ve had a string of affairs, or your current boss is your ex-lover, or you’ve slept with your partner’s best friend…well, these are things you need to keep to yourself. Confessing these dark secrets will only hurt your partner, and therefore your relationship. Let bygones be bygones. Start your relationship with this wonderful man on a clean slate and find ways to work off your guilt without involving him or sabotaging your relationship.