The makeup artist came in and I said I want to keep my look simple because I am a down to earth woman. I was very clear that I am least interested in what was about to happen. All my friends were already married and I was pretty much one of the last few left in the circle. None of my friends told me what marriage would actually be like since they were figuring it out themselves. I got ready in 1 and half hours even though I was given 4 hours to get ready. I went to the marriage hall and had to wait for the groom who was one hour late himself. I wondered then whether I was taking the right decision. Wedding and reception party over. First night over.
We were at a fancy resort for our honeymoon. The next day morning after the wedding when we woke up, we silently ate breakfast and spoke few words about the weather and about the bread in the hotel. After that, we did not know what to do with each other. I had already started feeling knots in my stomach yesterday and today I was deeply disappointed in marriage. I kept wondering, do I have to talk? Am I responsible for conversation and entertainment in this marriage? My groom asked me if I want to go see my mother. I didn’t really miss her but I agreed because it gave us something to do that day other than the usual hanky-panky in the bedroom.
One week later our absence from work was over and we had to return to office. Every day I would go to work and come home and have to cook something because both of us need to eat of course. If I was tired I would eat out and let my groom know so he can eat out too. When he came home we hardly had any conversation. We didn’t want to speak about how our day went because we have been together for so long we know how the work pattern is. All that was left for me was to cook in the house and just live.
I wondered if I should walk away. He won’t even know I am gone. I was living like a commodity in the house, like a fridge, washing machine and television, I was just in the house but not living. When I used to date my groom I used to be excited to see him because we would schedule according to our plans and keep a time separate to meet each other. Living in the same house and forced to see each other when other things are running in mind does feel torturous sometimes.
When I reached out to my friends and realized some of them were going through the same thing that I was going through, I was shocked! Why didn’t they warn me? I wondered. Nobody told me this is what marriage is going to be like. After a photo shoot in some beach after when going home, there is nothing to do in the house with each other that will be so fulfilling. That is when we girls decided to go ahead and draft plans.
It started with cooking. I concentrated on baking and making really good dishes. Then it was traveling. I started traveling with the girls because traveling with partners is a different kind of responsibility. Then turned to solo traveling. Then came passion concentration; I wrote a lot of stories, I danced like no one is watching and read extensively. I also signed up for diploma courses and concentrated on learning a new language.
Now, when I travel somewhere alone or with girls and come back my groom misses me. Since I am occupied we schedule dates again where we speak a lot and enjoy good food together. It all fell into place. I understood that marriage is not going to give you what you want. It is hard and a lot of responsibility. Most of the time you have to think for two people and you may not find it rewarding at all and you will be forced to go on. Take a deep breath and make sure just being a wife is not the only thing you do. Take time to different things that
feels
rewarding to you alone. It is fulfilling and satisfying to know there is so much you can do. Constantly set goals for yourself and move forward and marriage will feel like one more achievement in a bucket full!
