Open up to the child
Romance or no romance, it is essential to have an open relationship with your teenager. It is an age that comes with so much change and so much confusion it is very easy for a parent to suddenly move into a circle outside their trust. Keep an open eye for changes in behaviour, dressing and attitude. Children have the tendency to forget that parents were also children once. Try not to be too preachy. Preaching will only get you shoulder shrugs and eye rolls.
Spend as much time with them
Don’t frown at their tastes; display an attitude of interest instead. This helps establish the belief in your child that you are approachable and that you will not ‘freak out’ if they talk about a crush. Remember that a child finds this experience as confusing as you and that they are not deliberately trying to rub you the wrong way. Just don’t stay ‘mum’!
Relate to personal experiences
Having been a teenager yourself at some point, try to remember your own experiences as a teen. You are sure to have your own crushes or that of your peers to draw upon for guidance. Have a heart to heart with your children about your own experience and how it ended. Your children may be surprised that you did some things, but may also reconsider some of their own actions. Don’t be afraid of being seen in a bad light. Teenagers need their parents to be good friends more than anything and this is only possible if they relate to you. What is more they might feel less scared about approaching you instead of sneaking behind your back and landing in trouble.
Remind them of responsibilities
Usually the most problematic part of young romance and infatuation is the fact that it is very distracting. Talk to your child about what is expected of them in terms of following the school curriculum and encourage them to stay connected to their usual group of friends. They should understand that even if they want to be interested in ‘someone special’, they have to study hard and not be completely obsessed with one person.
Have the ‘Sex Talk’
Parents have to open their eyes to the fact that a majority of the youth today is sexually active. Usually media influence, peer pressure and curiosity are the factors responsible. Keeping silent on the issue of sex will not help things. Talk to your children about sex. Educate them about sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS and the issue of teenage pregnancy. Don’t feel awkward about talking openly. Also discuss the fact that sex is a very big step to take, emotionally as well as physically. Emphasize that it is important to wait for the right person to come along.
Have an Open Mind
After you have opened the proper channels of communication and armed your children with the proper knowledge, there is little to do but sit back and watch. Try not to be too judgmental about the one that your little one is infatuated with (as long as they are the same age, not involved in drugs or such dangerous behaviour). Make it clear that there are boundaries. Keep a not too close eye on the children when they are at your home. At the same time make sure that they are in a chaperoned environment outside the house too.
Broken Hearts
Not being pessimistic, most teenage love stories end in heartbreak for one or both parties. Be prepared for this. Instead of ploughing down your children with a cynical “I told you so”, comfort them. Listen to them speak and address the self esteem issues that might follow as a consequence of the break up. Once the young ones have poured out their feelings (and most of their tears), try and distract them with some activity that you both enjoy. Remember children are fast healers; your child will bounce back in no time!
