No relationship is, or should be, perfect for it is those little twists and turns which keep the embers of love burning. However, when the embers threaten to catch fire and engulf the bond it is time to introspect. Are the past, present and future coming in the way of your happiness?

PAST CONTINUOUS

It is understandable that you have an urge to start things on a clean slate but squeaky clean is not always the way to be. ‘Let bygones be bygones’ is a good principle to follow in the matters of heart. It will not serve any purpose to let the past continue to interfere in your love life so why rake it up? If, however, you are afraid that some of your secrets may tumble out of the closet at an inopportune moment, the best course of action would be to come clean.

How and when you say it makes all the difference. Time is of essence here. Never go into confession mode when both or either of you is in a bad mood. Wait till he is in a receptive frame of mind. Just casually mention it and be done with. Strictly avoid melodrama. Your body language is very vital in this case. Shifty eyes, sweaty palms, slouching are all signs that you are harboring guilty secrets. If your narration is punctuated with wistful sighs, moist eyes and a faraway expression, chances are that you are not over your past yet. So, the bare all session which was supposed to bring you closer may turn anticlimactic due to your discomfiture and end up driving him away. On the other hand, he may seem sympathetic when he listens to you but in the midst of a heated argument he may refer to your past in a derogatory manner and his caustic remarks will leave you feeling hurt.

Weigh the pros and cons before taking the confessional plunge. Once the burden is off your chest just forget the past and concentrate on beautifying your present.

PRESENT IMPERFECT

You have been bending backwards to please your man but he is neither reciprocating your actions nor appreciating them leaving you bitter and dissatisfied.

Women have to stop feeling the pressure to pleasure constantly. They love and pamper others as they themselves would want to be loved. In this process they end up spoiling their loved ones rotten. And when the ladies don’t get the same level of attention in return they may turn bitter and go into a cocoon. Men, on the other hand, cannot pick up subtle signals and understand the situation only when it gets out of hand. So what is the ideal solution in this scenario?

Retain your identity. That is paramount in any partnership. Partners, especially women, have to understand the difference between a symbiotic relation and a parasitic one. It is inadvisable to make your man so dependent on you that he cannot think straight without your help. Don’t let him encroach your private space and appreciate his need for ‘me-time’ too. Meet up with your gang of girls while he chills out with his boy brigade.

Any partnership should be 50-50 collaboration with both partners contributing equally towards its success. Pander to his whims now and then. Demand some pampering too. Indulge your man once in a while but don’t turn into a doormat. Respect, both self and mutual, is an important component of happily ever after.

FUTURE TENSE

The pitter patter of tiny feet usually signifies domestic bliss but if both partners are not on the same page regarding family expansion then a baby becomes the main cause of strife.

The worst thing you can do to a child is to bring it into the world before you are ready. Women have their biological clock to worry about and generally want to start a family as early as possible whereas men tend to postpone this decision till they feel they are comfortably settled in their careers. From their respective perspectives both parties are correct but when the life of a third person is involved then there has to be some sort of an understanding.

In the present day scenario, both causes of concern can be addressed satisfactorily. Scientific advancement has made it possible for millions of ladies to opt for a late pregnancy. With the opening up of diverse career avenues, it is easy to balance job satisfaction and monetary gains.

A baby will add a whole new dimension to your relationship making both of you appreciate life in its entirety but bringing up a baby is an immense responsibility. Have a discussion and plan a family only when both of you are absolutely ready to shoulder it.