1) When we were growing up we always heard about phone sex and these days I hear a lot about cyber sex. My boyfriend is away from the country and insists that we have Skype Sex. I really find that weird and I don’t understand how do you have sex online? Is it not dangerous to show yourself semi nude or have sexual conversations over a video chat? Or is it only me who finds it weird that sex can’t be pleasurable when not in person? Kindly help!
A) You haven’t mentioned if you and your boyfriend are going to be physically apart for a little while or more. If it’s the latter then you are in a slightly complicated situation. If your boyfriend insists on having a sex chat on video, you must be aware that the www is a hub of hackers and mischievous nobodies. Talk to him and tell him that you don’t think it’s safe to go semi or completely nude in front of the camera. If he understands then try giving the good old phone sex a chance. Many men find cyber sex quite exciting because they love fantasising their partners during masturbation. Answering your last question, No; you are not the only one who thinks that way. However, many studies have proved that sex without physical presence is also as pleasurable to many people around the world. Pick up that phone and go have sex. Shut the cams though!
2) Right from my teenage days I have been very curious about porn videos. The taboo of girls liking porn was quite evident among my group of friends, so I never mentioned this to anyone. I am engaged and I really need to know if it’s okay to tell my fiancé that I love indulging in sex while watching porn? Is there a risk in telling my future husband?
A) Congratulations on your engagement! Watching porn is still illegal in our country, though many websites seem to be operational according to reports. We suggest, you should first conclude if you are addicted to porn or it’s just something which adds the much needed fire to your desires in the bedroom. If it’s not an addiction, then welcome to the world of absolute pleasure! There are millions in the world who love watching porn and it’s not a taboo. Did you try checking with your partner on what his opinion is? Talking helps! Throw indirect questions at him and ask him what he thinks of it. React accordingly and if he is okay with it, you are about to have a hot and steamy sex life with your future husband. If he is not, then watch it solo. Congratulations again!
3) Hi, I am 31-years-old and have been married for 7 months. I have had sex with my husband when we were engaged and the sex was great. However, it’s been just a few months for the wedding and he seems to have slowed down drastically. We used to have sex almost every day and I knew that post marriage it does slow down. But to an extent where we go without sex for more than 20 days? I think that’s unusual and I’m unable to figure out if he is cheating on me or has he lost interest in me this early? Kindly suggest!
A) It’s difficult to gauge a lot out of this tiny question, but, every time a man goes off sex doesn’t mean he is cheating on you. Have you tried experimenting in the bedroom? Maybe he’s looking for something else to add to the fire. Try making the first move and try to get him in action by doing something which will surprise him. Sex doesn’t really have a timetable! You do it because you love each other and it should happen when both the partners are up for it. Men don’t really shy away from sex unless they really are not in the mood or are stressed about something. Try what we suggested and see how it goes. There’s always a way to communicate to your husband that you want to make love to him. There’s no schedule for that!
4) I am a 27 year-old mother of one and my kid is 5 months old. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2. We have had a really good sex life and I had no complaints until my child’s birth. Though my gynecologist had advised that we could have had sex during pregnancy, we didn’t. Now it’s been almost a year and we haven’t had sex. My husband insists on it but taking care of my baby is tiresome and it leaves me with no time to even feel sexual. How do I convince myself to have sex again? Kindly advise!
A) Congratulations for stepping into the beautiful world of motherhood. We tend to generalise that all women have similar post-natal recovery, but that’s quite not true. You are one of them who is recovering slowly and it’s not abnormal. Understand that, post childbirth a lot of women refrain from having sex. According to a report by the babycentre UK, a woman’s womb recovers completely in 6 weeks and sex post that is as normal as it was before. We suggest you go ahead and talk to a post-natal therapist to check if you are experiencing post-natal depression. It will really help to take your husband along as it’s important for him to understand that you are not making excuses for sex. Good Luck!
5) It took me a lot of courage to write this email. I have read about usage of sex toys in your magazine and have a really cheeky (if you would like to use that word) question. I have had an amazing sex life with my partner and we want exactly the same things on bed. We are both in our mid-20s and we love experimenting, I was wondering will it be appropriate to tell him that I love painless bondage sex? I have heard from my friends that a little bit of spanking and dominant intercourse is crazy exciting. This time I am the one who would like to dominate and try. Can you suggest what to do to make sure it doesn’t go wrong?
A) We love it that you wrote this email with ‘courage’ like you put it. Now, with regards to your question, yes you must tell your partner that you are planning to try BDSM with him. He deserves to know that he’s going to be spanked! Don’t let the poor guy end up with bruises at the end of climax! Now, almost every online shopping website in India sells sex toys and like you want to hear it, Handcuffs too! Don’t go by the million threads online and check with your partner to what extent you guys would like to go with BDSM. There are a lot of men who love being dominated on bed and keep in mind to not thrash him and make sure it’s pleasurable to both of you. If kinky is the word then you know what to buy online! (Read butt plugs) Remember to practice safe sex and also order a bunch of condoms!
6) I am 27-years-old and have had a healthy physical relationship with my partner. However, these days I just don’t want to have sex! I have been engaged to my fiancé for 8 months now and we were dating for 2 years before our engagement. I have suddenly lost interest in any kind of physical relationship. Before you judge the situation, I would like to tell you that I do love him a lot and we are getting married in less than a month. I don’t want to spoil my marriage by refusing to have sex with my husband. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please help!
A) Please relax! Nothing is wrong with you. It’s quite common and also normal for brides-to-be to feel this way. You are just nervous and there’s no reason to worry at all. Consider yourself lucky to be able to marry the man you love and think positively. Sex starts with the mind and you need to let the stress away. If you don’t want to at the moment then don’t do it! Tell him that you are stressed about the wedding and need some time off from sex. He will understand and once the wedding is done with, see how you feel. You are not asexual if you have had a healthy sex life before. Enjoy the wedding and don’t give a thought to all that right now!
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