So, you have met the man of your dreams or at least the sex partner of your dreams and you have started getting down and dirty, when suddenly you say or do something that you should not and the electric mood goes kaput. The magic spell is broken and you are left wondering what went wrong.
When you are in bed with your partner, the last thing you want to do is turn him off. It is possible, however, that despite your best intentions, you may inadvertently be committing some serious sexual faux pas. So, here it is – a list of things you should not be doing in bed while with your partner.
Agreed, sex can be a beautiful experience sometimes. Or in some cases it can make you feel emotionally overwrought. But that is no reason to cry. Most men interpret crying during sex as an indicator that you are upset and that it is because he has done something wrong. Instead of making your partner question his abilities in bed, be a little attentive towards him. Also, there is no such thing as a pretty crier.
You really should not laugh when someone takes their clothes off, or when they try to talk dirty. Neither is laughing at their orgasmic face or when they try to do a sexy provocative dance a good idea. Remember both of you are there for the same reason – to turn each other on. When you laugh it smashes any trust or self-confidence your partner has.
Check the clock
Remember, when you are in the midst of a night of passion keep your eyes locked on the action. Never, ever dare to check your watch or clock; even if sex feels like it is going on for an eternity and you have a really early meeting booked in for tomorrow morning. If you are struggling to stay focused, then there is something amiss with the chemistry you both share.
Imagine the scene: you are in bed with your current partner and things are starting to heat up and you start comparing aloud your current flame with your former one. Comparisons are always odious but they are fatal when done in the throes of lovemaking. While in bed is a particularly bad time to mention your ex. Talking about who has been where before is a turn-off. It makes your present man wonder if you are mentally drawing comparisons between him and your ex at each stage of the act.
This is an obvious one, and yet, people seem to do it all the time. If you are tired, there is no point in forcing yourself to have sex. This is not your favourite TV series that you have to stay awake. Did you know that sex between two people requires energy that can power a city for 33 minutes. This is an intense workout and you need to stay awake, or better, do it when you are up and about.
Communication, or the lack of it, is one of the main reasons a lot of people end up having bad sex. Letting your partner know what you like is a great thing to do. Not everyone knows about the mysteries of that thing they call ‘la vagine’. Though many may act like they know all about it, in reality, they are always up for suggestions. Of course, if you have to give step-by-step instructions, it is time to pull out that little black book.
The L Bomb
If you are in the initial stages of a relationship, and you have already fallen for the guy, saying ‘I love you’ in the middle of the deed may result in much discomfort, especially if he does not reciprocate the feeling. Things start to get awkward and this can cause guilt on his side and doubt on yours. It is sex. It is not necessary to burden it with emotions all the time.
Every week in newspaper advice columns, we read about people writing in about their partners checking their phones for emails while having sex. This one is a no-brainer: Reverse cowgirl is not a good time to see if that project document or presentation is coming in. This could turn into a whole debate on how people should not be obsessed with their jobs etc., but due to lack of space there is only one thing to say – turn off your phone.
It is not always the man’s responsibility to carry condoms. You can too. It is not fair to expect the man to be prepared all the time, while all you get to do is jump in bed. So, while a lot of men are very boy scout-esquely prepared (yes, being good to go is a serious thing for them), it would not hurt to keep a box of condoms in the drawer by your bed.